dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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