My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
