thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
