I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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