No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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