Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
