I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
