I can tuck mytits in my pants
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
