you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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