mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
