Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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