You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
