How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
