If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
