put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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