Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize