i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
