did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
