Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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