yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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