College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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