my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
