i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
