You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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