Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
