apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
