i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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