I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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