Your tits are I can't wait for
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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