yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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