I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
