you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
