I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
