I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize