I need help removing her.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
