dude i'm inner monologue high
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
