I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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