oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
