So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize