I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
