Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
