3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize