WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
