I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
