If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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