I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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