Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
