It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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