i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
