Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
thus making me awesome and them whores
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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