Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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