nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I need to align my fucking chakras
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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