the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
