so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
