I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
