Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
