Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
