My room smells like vodka and shame
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I cut my penus on the lid.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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