she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
