Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
