today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
