Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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