Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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