I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
