is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
