FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize