some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
