I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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