we made out on top of his cat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
