Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize