I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
