I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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