I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
