She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My feet surprised me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
