you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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