I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
