Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
