I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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