Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
