Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
