Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
