Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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