Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
