I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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