I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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