i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she told me i tasted like america
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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