happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
