i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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