i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
