I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I lost the right to judge tonight
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize