The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
