Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize