she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
