Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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