...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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