When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
