I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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