it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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