After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
