4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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