i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
