So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Panties = found
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize