Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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