it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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