does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize