i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
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