Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
