Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
