Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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